Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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