We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
