just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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