He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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