i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize