Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
