After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
