Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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