Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
