Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
