He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
