I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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