Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
