bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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