she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
