you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
