What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
