First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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