I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
