Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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