Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
