Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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