chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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