People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
