Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
