wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
