I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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