I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
