We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
