She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
