My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
