Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
