Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
