you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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