Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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