Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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