Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
