I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
