i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
