She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
