My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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