so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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