Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
