Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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