we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
