people are starting to question the shark bite story
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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