so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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