This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
