Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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