By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
