my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
