I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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