I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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