Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm getting married
To pizza
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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