I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
