i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
