i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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