when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
