Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
