I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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