I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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