i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
