I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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