They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
