I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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