Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize