after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
