and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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