yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
