youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
