okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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