I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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