Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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