Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need water and some morals
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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